Wisdom of the Idiots; part 17

Wisdom of the Idiots; part 17 – Divinity, Immoral Earnings and Sense&Sensibility

I've never been religious, thank god.
Belief? Don't make me laugh! Who'd want to get stuck with a belief, for Christ's sake? Isn't it better to know than to believe? If you don't know – seek. If you're too damned lazy, or too damned stupid to seek, then I suppose you'll just have to take on a belief or two - and pretend. It won't be that bad, I'm sure. You can go to church, or chapel, mosque or synagogue – doesn't really matter, does it? There'll be pageant and pomp, maybe even a wee bit of circumstance and, so I hear, emotional self indulgence can make up for an awful lot. So I hear.

Common sense is a much better deity. It's always there when you need it, usually comes through for you and never ever asks for money. God always needs money. Ask any temple prostitute if you don't believe me. Didn't know he was a pimp, did you?

I said that to a peace-loving chap one time. Religious. You know the type – gets upset because you called God a cunt. It's the kind of opening line that guarantees a conversation. A great ice breaker.
“God's a pimp, y'know.” I said confidentially as I dipped my ginger snap in his tea.
“What? What do you mean?” he said, instantly warming to me and stirring his tea in a distracted kind of way.
“Temple prostitutes.” says I, cheerfully responding to his open gaze.
“Temple prostitutes?“ he laughed indulgently and gently corrected me. “Oh no, that's the opposition. So and so's their God.”
“Oh? And you believe in . . .?” I asked innocently enough.
“The One True God.” he said proudly.
“So do they!” I gave him for free.
It turned out not too bad. I only needed four stitches.
Musashi.

In Wisdom of the Idiots; part 18, we interview Bullet-proof Jack; we take a humorous look at Sudden Onset Foreign Accent Syndrome; we taste test China's all new Southern Style Yum Yum Panda Burger; and we explore British politics from the Post Retard Revival (c1837) to the Early Maniac Period (2016) and we ask “Why? For God's sake, why?”